Hey... I'm not dead

I'll try and actually use this more often... Well mission updates I guess. Paperwork is now totally done and I'm gonna be getting the interviews set up the next week or 2.

Food's done ^_^
More when I'm not so hungry

For S.H.B.C.

Hey there Delilah
What's it like in New York City?
I'm a thousand miles away
But girl, tonight you look so pretty
Yes you do
Times Square can't shine as bright as you
I swear it's true

Hey there Delilah
Don't you worry about the distance
I'm right there if you get lonely
Give this song another listen
Close your eyes
Listen to my voice, it's my disguise
I'm by your side

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me

Hey there Delilah
I know times are getting hard
But just believe me, girl
Someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar
We'll have it good
We'll have the life we knew we would
My word is good

Hey there Delilah
I've got so much left to say
If every simple song I wrote to you
Would take your breath away
I'd write it all
Even more in love with me you'd fall
We'd have it all

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me

A thousand miles seems pretty far
But they've got planes and trains and cars
I'd walk to you if I had no other way
Our friends would all make fun of us
and we'll just laugh along because we know
That none of them have felt this way
Delilah I can promise you
That by the time we get through
The world will never ever be the same
And you're to blame

Hey there Delilah
You be good and don't you miss me
Two more years and you'll be done with school
And I'll be making history like I do
You'll know it's all because of you
We can do whatever we want to
Hey there Delilah here's to you
This one's for you

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me.

How do words even exist?

I've been trying to get to this for a while but every time I do I just get so frustrated because I don't know how to even begin saying what I want the words to mean. But since it'll bug me til judgment day if I don't... here goes, as far as words that come to mind will allow me to say.

Face it Lunchbox. I love you in the most a)heterosexual, b)masculine, c)high-five-after, d)soul-owning, e)borderline-unspoken-questions-of-sexuality-in-tender-moments,
f)fraternal-to-friends, g)unbelievably-queer-to-strangers way possible.
Now to explain...

a) neither of us are gay and we can both prove it numerous times. you more than me but that is entirely beside the point.
b) we can both grow facial hair, although you by far have the most magnificent mane I've ever seen
c) nothing is gay if you sincerely high five after. and we do.
d) you do in fact own multiple pieces of my soul. WoW being the largest as it consumed a massive chunk of my free time, cost a decent bit of funding, led to computer upgrades, accelerated the collapse of a bad relationship (thank you Blizzard), kept me from collapsing out of sheer boredom and loneliness during breaks where I was the only one on campus for a week, and was more fun than beating alex at smash brothers and yugioh (yes i'm a huge nerd, we know this, move it along). there is also the cheesecake factory and an entirely separate list but it's not nearly as relevant as the almost 2 years I spent playing WoW
e) yep. i've totally spooned with you... and picked a different tune every day to bump your chair to (starting with Good King Wenceslas, and yes I checked the spelling). good times.
f) you really are the closest thing to family I have for 8 and a half hours and 5 states while I'm in Rock Hill. You look out for me, chill with me, tank for me, roll your eyes at Alex when I can't because he's looking at me, talk to me about just about everything, and most frequently give me a place to crash.
g) yep. I may have hugged you in public in a not entirely Man-Law-kosher way. I may have lovingly scratched your beard in the grocery store on a number of occasions. I may have also smacked your butt and said "good game" in a very nice restaurant. for any random bystanders we may have looked like spelunking buddies on more than one occasion, but that's fine by me cuz we know whats really going down.

Of the things I will miss the most on my mission you are easily within the top 2. I love your honesty about not wanting me to go but the way you are willing to support me enough to not get hypocritically malignant about me living my life (no one we know I assure you >_>) and sacrificing for something that I believe will only make me stronger and help set the rest of my entire life in order. It will be unbelievably hard to wake up and not be able to bear hug you, stroke the glory of your facial majesty, or touch the mango. However, I have no intentions whatsoever of losing touch with you at all, both while I am off in Fuzzy Wuzzy Land or after I get back. I have too much less-than-three for you to let you go that easily.

After all, you promised me my own islands when you got sick of humanity and were able to access the right stuff to fix the problem. Don't think I'll forget.

Guy Love, yes another Scrubs thing

[J.D.]
Let's face the facts about me and you,
A love unspecified.
Though I'm proud to call you "Chocolate Bear,"
The crowd will always talk and stare.
[Turk]
I feel exactly those feelings, too
And that's why I keep them inside.
'Cause this bear can't bear the world's disdain,
And sometimes it's easier to hide,
Than explain our
[J.D. and Turk]
Guy love,
That's all it is,
Guy love,
He's mine, I'm his,
There's nothing gay about it in our eyes.
[Turk]
You ask me 'bout this thing we share,
[J.D.]
And he tenderly replies,
[Turk]
It's guy love
[J.D. and Turk]
Between two guys.
[Turk]
We're closer than the average man and wife,
[J.D.]
That's why our matching bracelets say Turk and J.D.
[Turk]
You know I'll stick by for the rest of my life.
[J.D.]
You're the only man who's ever been inside of me.
[Turk]
Whoa, I just took out his apendix.
[J.D.]
There's no need to clarify,
[Turk]
Oh no?
[J.D.]
Just let it grow more and more each day.
It's like I married my best friend,
[Turk]
But in a totally manly way.
[J.D. and Turk]
Let's go!
It's guy love,
Don't compromise,
The feeeling of some other guy,
Holding up your heart,
Into the sky.
[J.D.]
I'll be there to care through all the lows.
[Turk]
I'll be there to share the highs.
[J.D. and Turk]
It's guy love,
Between two guys.
[J.D.]
And when I say, "I love you, Turk,"
It's not what it impies.
[J.D. and Turk]
It's guy love
Between
Two
Guys

Waiting on laundry

Otherwise I won't have clean clothes for work in the morning... And if some of this doesn't make sense, I say it'd because it'd 1:30am and I have to get up for work again at 6. Enjoy

I could be called many things... Huggy, a "cuddler", clingy, sometimes obsessive, whipped, and (my favorite) chivalrous almost to the point of being handicapped by it.

Huggy and cuddling I can bundle up together. That's just how I roll. Even in high school I have generally been with my very hug-oriented and low-personal-space group of friends. I have no problems being physically close to people and I think if I were forced to physically avoid others I'd go a touch more crazy than I already may be. Hugs may not be some all-curing panacea but I bet 95% of the time they'd help a situation somehow.

I have an addictive personality. Fortunately this is balanced by fits of laziness so I don't latch onto anything that floats past me. However when I do get hooked into something (maybe I don't know, like WoW or way back in the day Pokemon) I really tend to lose myself in what I'm doing. For example, I totally acknowledge my addiction to World of Warcraft. I have sort of sidelined people at times for it, for which I apologize and have tried to get better with. Most people who know me well enough will get a kick out of the fact that I have been sans WoW for a few days now and have been so bored I don't know what to do with myself (I miss my phans!).
On the bright side I also "obsess" over my friends. I've been told a couple times by different people that I may be frustrating because I will stand up to a friend and call them out when they go too far but that I will also be the one to stand up for that same person when no one else will.
I may take a ton of crap from someone and then let them know exactly what I think about it but when all is said and done I will be more likely to defend that person than just about anyone.

In conjunction with clingy/obsessive... Am I "whipped" in relationships? Heck, I'm whipped even when I'm not in a relationship, but in one? You'd better believe i am. Will/Do I get made fun of? Wouldn't surprise me. Am I a bit more willing to please someone I care about than I should be? I could see the case being made and probably not refute it too well. But will the person I'm with have any doubts whatsoever about how much I care about them? Will a friend, girlfriend, and eventually wife ever question the lengths to which I would go for them? Absolutely not. Maybe it's a bit archaic and unrealistic but I try and act like every relationship I'm in could be "it" because unless I try and see the ending I want as a possibility, why bother even trying? After all, how can you know if you love someone completely, without reservation, with every part of you, if you never try? And no I don't want that whole "really really liking someone and it makes perfectly logical sense to be together" speech, although if that's how it happens then awesome. I just don't want that to be the ending point. Go ahead and take a Dr. Cox moment to call me a girl's name and mock my masculinity but when I kiss my wife someday I want one of those fairy tale, fireworks-blazing, rose-petals-back-on-the-magic-flower, bring-you-back-from-the-dead-in-front-of-seven-midgets, knock-your-socks-off-through-your-shoes kisses. Maybe it's selfish but I want one of those moments where afterwards you can look her in the eyes and all you can say is "Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn!" Is it unrealistic? Of course. Am I gonna waste away looking for that moment to come to me? No. But one thing is for sure, it'll never happen unless I am trying to hit that fairy tale level of loving someone and go past it. Frankly, having grown up with my parents as an example, anything less would be a disappointment.

And yes, i do have a bit of a chivalrous streak. Blame Papa, although I'm sure my grandparents played a role in there too somewhere. Blaming Papa is easier though cuz he's closer.

Quote from Scrubs, and yes at 1 in the morning

Not much of an issue anymore cuz I don't think I'll be hearing any more relationship complaints from a certain someone but just to get it out of my head...

"Honestly? The only thing that gives me comfort, you guys, is while I'm sitting at home, staring at the ceiling, just wishing that I had someone to talk to, is knowing that none of you idiots realize how lucky you are!"

Pretty self explanatory I think. Before you complain about issues you are having with someone you care about think about how fortunate you are to at least be within arms reach. It's hard on those of us who have to listen to your complaining and constantly be reminded of how separated we are from people we would give a great deal just to be able to see once in a while.

Apathy

Can't shake it.
Stuck with it.
Getting weighed down by little things.
Not caring enough about big things.
Letting chances slip by.
Confused, lost, unsure, but don't care anyway.
Walking is annoying.
Dealing with certain people gets harder and harder each day.
Don't want to sleep.
Don't want to be productive.

I'd find myself again but that would be adding so much more to what I'm already being buried under...
And I don't even know if I'd like what I found when I started looking.