Chivalry's Revival

Hey... I'm not dead

2009-01-18T15:07:00.000-08:00

I'll try and actually use this more often... Well mission updates I guess. Paperwork is now totally done and I'm gonna be getting the interviews set up the next week or 2.

Food's done ^_^
More when I'm not so hungry

For S.H.B.C.

2008-06-26T23:21:00.000-07:00

Hey there Delilah
What's it like in New York City?
I'm a thousand miles away
But girl, tonight you look so pretty
Yes you do
Times Square can't shine as bright as you
I swear it's true

Hey there Delilah
Don't you worry about the distance
I'm right there if you get lonely
Give this song another listen
Close your eyes
Listen to my voice, it's my disguise
I'm by your side

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me

Hey there Delilah
I know times are getting hard
But just believe me, girl
Someday I'll pay the bills with this guitar
We'll have it good
We'll have the life we knew we would
My word is good

Hey there Delilah
I've got so much left to say
If every simple song I wrote to you
Would take your breath away
I'd write it all
Even more in love with me you'd fall
We'd have it all

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me

A thousand miles seems pretty far
But they've got planes and trains and cars
I'd walk to you if I had no other way
Our friends would all make fun of us
and we'll just laugh along because we know
That none of them have felt this way
Delilah I can promise you
That by the time we get through
The world will never ever be the same
And you're to blame

Hey there Delilah
You be good and don't you miss me
Two more years and you'll be done with school
And I'll be making history like I do
You'll know it's all because of you
We can do whatever we want to
Hey there Delilah here's to you
This one's for you

Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
Oh it's what you do to me
What you do to me.

How do words even exist?

2008-06-25T19:36:00.000-07:00

I've been trying to get to this for a while but every time I do I just get so frustrated because I don't know how to even begin saying what I want the words to mean. But since it'll bug me til judgment day if I don't... here goes, as far as words that come to mind will allow me to say.

Face it Lunchbox. I love you in the most a)heterosexual, b)masculine, c)high-five-after, d)soul-owning, e)borderline-unspoken-questions-of-sexuality-in-tender-moments,
f)fraternal-to-friends, g)unbelievably-queer-to-strangers way possible.
Now to explain...

a) neither of us are gay and we can both prove it numerous times. you more than me but that is entirely beside the point.
b) we can both grow facial hair, although you by far have the most magnificent mane I've ever seen
c) nothing is gay if you sincerely high five after. and we do.
d) you do in fact own multiple pieces of my soul. WoW being the largest as it consumed a massive chunk of my free time, cost a decent bit of funding, led to computer upgrades, accelerated the collapse of a bad relationship (thank you Blizzard), kept me from collapsing out of sheer boredom and loneliness during breaks where I was the only one on campus for a week, and was more fun than beating alex at smash brothers and yugioh (yes i'm a huge nerd, we know this, move it along). there is also the cheesecake factory and an entirely separate list but it's not nearly as relevant as the almost 2 years I spent playing WoW
e) yep. i've totally spooned with you... and picked a different tune every day to bump your chair to (starting with Good King Wenceslas, and yes I checked the spelling). good times.
f) you really are the closest thing to family I have for 8 and a half hours and 5 states while I'm in Rock Hill. You look out for me, chill with me, tank for me, roll your eyes at Alex when I can't because he's looking at me, talk to me about just about everything, and most frequently give me a place to crash.
g) yep. I may have hugged you in public in a not entirely Man-Law-kosher way. I may have lovingly scratched your beard in the grocery store on a number of occasions. I may have also smacked your butt and said "good game" in a very nice restaurant. for any random bystanders we may have looked like spelunking buddies on more than one occasion, but that's fine by me cuz we know whats really going down.

Of the things I will miss the most on my mission you are easily within the top 2. I love your honesty about not wanting me to go but the way you are willing to support me enough to not get hypocritically malignant about me living my life (no one we know I assure you >_>) and sacrificing for something that I believe will only make me stronger and help set the rest of my entire life in order. It will be unbelievably hard to wake up and not be able to bear hug you, stroke the glory of your facial majesty, or touch the mango. However, I have no intentions whatsoever of losing touch with you at all, both while I am off in Fuzzy Wuzzy Land or after I get back. I have too much less-than-three for you to let you go that easily.

After all, you promised me my own islands when you got sick of humanity and were able to access the right stuff to fix the problem. Don't think I'll forget.

Guy Love, yes another Scrubs thing

2008-05-31T23:15:00.000-07:00

[J.D.]
Let's face the facts about me and you,
A love unspecified.
Though I'm proud to call you "Chocolate Bear,"
The crowd will always talk and stare.
[Turk]
I feel exactly those feelings, too
And that's why I keep them inside.
'Cause this bear can't bear the world's disdain,
And sometimes it's easier to hide,
Than explain our
[J.D. and Turk]
Guy love,
That's all it is,
Guy love,
He's mine, I'm his,
There's nothing gay about it in our eyes.
[Turk]
You ask me 'bout this thing we share,
[J.D.]
And he tenderly replies,
[Turk]
It's guy love
[J.D. and Turk]
Between two guys.
[Turk]
We're closer than the average man and wife,
[J.D.]
That's why our matching bracelets say Turk and J.D.
[Turk]
You know I'll stick by for the rest of my life.
[J.D.]
You're the only man who's ever been inside of me.
[Turk]
Whoa, I just took out his apendix.
[J.D.]
There's no need to clarify,
[Turk]
Oh no?
[J.D.]
Just let it grow more and more each day.
It's like I married my best friend,
[Turk]
But in a totally manly way.
[J.D. and Turk]
Let's go!
It's guy love,
Don't compromise,
The feeeling of some other guy,
Holding up your heart,
Into the sky.
[J.D.]
I'll be there to care through all the lows.
[Turk]
I'll be there to share the highs.
[J.D. and Turk]
It's guy love,
Between two guys.
[J.D.]
And when I say, "I love you, Turk,"
It's not what it impies.
[J.D. and Turk]
It's guy love
Between
Two
Guys

Waiting on laundry

2008-05-19T21:42:00.000-07:00

Otherwise I won't have clean clothes for work in the morning... And if some of this doesn't make sense, I say it'd because it'd 1:30am and I have to get up for work again at 6. Enjoy

I could be called many things... Huggy, a "cuddler", clingy, sometimes obsessive, whipped, and (my favorite) chivalrous almost to the point of being handicapped by it.

Huggy and cuddling I can bundle up together. That's just how I roll. Even in high school I have generally been with my very hug-oriented and low-personal-space group of friends. I have no problems being physically close to people and I think if I were forced to physically avoid others I'd go a touch more crazy than I already may be. Hugs may not be some all-curing panacea but I bet 95% of the time they'd help a situation somehow.

I have an addictive personality. Fortunately this is balanced by fits of laziness so I don't latch onto anything that floats past me. However when I do get hooked into something (maybe I don't know, like WoW or way back in the day Pokemon) I really tend to lose myself in what I'm doing. For example, I totally acknowledge my addiction to World of Warcraft. I have sort of sidelined people at times for it, for which I apologize and have tried to get better with. Most people who know me well enough will get a kick out of the fact that I have been sans WoW for a few days now and have been so bored I don't know what to do with myself (I miss my phans!).
On the bright side I also "obsess" over my friends. I've been told a couple times by different people that I may be frustrating because I will stand up to a friend and call them out when they go too far but that I will also be the one to stand up for that same person when no one else will.
I may take a ton of crap from someone and then let them know exactly what I think about it but when all is said and done I will be more likely to defend that person than just about anyone.

In conjunction with clingy/obsessive... Am I "whipped" in relationships? Heck, I'm whipped even when I'm not in a relationship, but in one? You'd better believe i am. Will/Do I get made fun of? Wouldn't surprise me. Am I a bit more willing to please someone I care about than I should be? I could see the case being made and probably not refute it too well. But will the person I'm with have any doubts whatsoever about how much I care about them? Will a friend, girlfriend, and eventually wife ever question the lengths to which I would go for them? Absolutely not. Maybe it's a bit archaic and unrealistic but I try and act like every relationship I'm in could be "it" because unless I try and see the ending I want as a possibility, why bother even trying? After all, how can you know if you love someone completely, without reservation, with every part of you, if you never try? And no I don't want that whole "really really liking someone and it makes perfectly logical sense to be together" speech, although if that's how it happens then awesome. I just don't want that to be the ending point. Go ahead and take a Dr. Cox moment to call me a girl's name and mock my masculinity but when I kiss my wife someday I want one of those fairy tale, fireworks-blazing, rose-petals-back-on-the-magic-flower, bring-you-back-from-the-dead-in-front-of-seven-midgets, knock-your-socks-off-through-your-shoes kisses. Maybe it's selfish but I want one of those moments where afterwards you can look her in the eyes and all you can say is "Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn!" Is it unrealistic? Of course. Am I gonna waste away looking for that moment to come to me? No. But one thing is for sure, it'll never happen unless I am trying to hit that fairy tale level of loving someone and go past it. Frankly, having grown up with my parents as an example, anything less would be a disappointment.

And yes, i do have a bit of a chivalrous streak. Blame Papa, although I'm sure my grandparents played a role in there too somewhere. Blaming Papa is easier though cuz he's closer.

Quote from Scrubs, and yes at 1 in the morning

2008-05-19T21:13:00.000-07:00

Not much of an issue anymore cuz I don't think I'll be hearing any more relationship complaints from a certain someone but just to get it out of my head...

"Honestly? The only thing that gives me comfort, you guys, is while I'm sitting at home, staring at the ceiling, just wishing that I had someone to talk to, is knowing that none of you idiots realize how lucky you are!"

Pretty self explanatory I think. Before you complain about issues you are having with someone you care about think about how fortunate you are to at least be within arms reach. It's hard on those of us who have to listen to your complaining and constantly be reminded of how separated we are from people we would give a great deal just to be able to see once in a while.

Apathy

2008-05-05T09:08:00.000-07:00

Can't shake it.
Stuck with it.
Getting weighed down by little things.
Not caring enough about big things.
Letting chances slip by.
Confused, lost, unsure, but don't care anyway.
Walking is annoying.
Dealing with certain people gets harder and harder each day.
Don't want to sleep.
Don't want to be productive.

I'd find myself again but that would be adding so much more to what I'm already being buried under...
And I don't even know if I'd like what I found when I started looking.

Another paper, enjoy... maybe ^_^

2008-04-23T13:07:00.000-07:00

When the Bell Tolls for a Salesman

Few would argue that Arthur Miller’s play Death of a Salesman is not tragic. While it lacks in royal characters doomed by fate to fall below the common man, the play still reaches out into the hearts and minds of the audience in a way that even today audiences see and connect with the disastrous unfolding of events. However the impact, source, and longevity of its tragedy are not beyond contestation. In his article for National Review, Undying Salesman, David Klinghoffer summarizes the essence of the tragedy as he sees it by saying that Willy “has failed as a man, and he knows it” (Klinghoffer, Undying Salesman). This is not necessarily an incorrect statement but it limits the range of the tragic influence, essentially asserting that males are the only ones for whom the bell tolls in Miller’s piece. The true power of tragedy is that it possesses the power to transcend race, gender, and dogma and Death of a Salesman is a strong example of what happens when such a role is fulfilled.

Klinghoffer states that “The play works agonizingly well. Not as any type of socialist harangue, but rather as a meditation on manhood.” He then challenges readers to attempt placing a woman in the shoes of Willy Loman, with daughters instead of Biff and Happy and the husband at home and left destitute at the play’s conclusion instead of Linda. The immediate response he offers to his readers is that gender reversal is impossible with Death of a Salesman. What Klinghoffer is trying to assert is that the genders of characters under the circumstances of this show are as important as the characters themselves and he justifies this stance by saying that “Devoted though they may be to their work, women unlike men are not deeply humiliated by a tumbling career” (Klinghoffer, Undying Salesman).

Most people today would take some degree of umbrage to this assertion, to which Klinghoffer concedes. The retort to his claims one would expect to hear on the news may very well be not unlike Annie Oakley and Frank Butler, bouncing back and forth with one side trying to outdo the other as a means to prove their adeptness (Irving, Anything You Can Do). In The United States of America as it is known today women can work, be politically active, drive, and further their educations just as well, if not circumstantially better than a man. Does a single chromosome render it impossible for them to comprehend or empathize with the devastating failure heaped upon Willy Loman? Klinghoffer seems to be saying that although women make competent coworkers and are quite capable of caring for their vocation, to truly understand the calamity that has befallen the Loman family, one must have been fortunate enough to have been born with a penis.

Arthur Miller himself wrote Tragedy and the Common man, an essay on the lack of modern tragic drama and literature and the application of tragedy to the more recent struggles of the average human being. He says “I think the tragic feeling is evoked in us when we are in the presence of a character who is ready to lay down his life, if need be, to secure one thing--his sense of personal dignity. From Orestes to Hamlet, Medea to Macbeth, the underlying struggle is that of the individual attempting to gain his "rightful" position in his society” (Miller, Tragedy and the Common Man). Unlike Klinghoffer, he does not place a barrier around his work to restrict its application to men only, even mentioning Medea specifically. Miller would argue against confining tragedy to any one demographic, as evidenced by his tearing down the wall that, until Death of a Salesman and works like unto it, had prevented tragedy from trickling down to the proletariat. After asserting that the true nature of tragedy is that calamitous events can befall anyone, be they commonly born or of regal heritage, barricading women from experiencing a connection with Willy Loman’s circumstance seems a bit ridiculous. The impact of Miller’s tragedy is that it opened the doors for anyone possessing humanity to become a viable candidate for consideration as a tragic hero in times of duress, despite mankind consisting of different colors, sexes, and creeds.

Klinghoffer suggests that “A man's descent to failure is horrendous to contemplate. Whatever line of work you are in, we are all salesmen, selling our products, our services, our selves” and that when a man cannot provide for his family and/or finds himself failing, specifically in the sense of failure at one’s profession, “in some fundamental way he has failed as a man, and he knows it… We may repress this instinctive knowledge, but ultimately it pops up like a rubber duck in a bathtub” (Klinghoffer, Undying Salesman). He argues that the tragedy stems from a man’s need to excel, to provide, and to pass on a legacy and again, while this statement fits Willy Loman without question, it is once again Klinghoffer placing an impediment on the core of what Miller tried to clarify in Tragedy and the Common Man.

On the true source of the emotional connections made with theatrical tragedy, Miller said “the quality in such plays that does shake us, however, derives from the underlying fear of being displaced, the disaster inherent in being torn away from our chosen image of what and who we are in this world. Among us today this fear is as strong, and perhaps stronger, than it ever was. In fact, it is the common man who knows this fear best” (Miller, Tragedy and the Common Man). While the nobles of Elizabethan times or the Rockefellers of today might be more similar to the Greek tragic heroes due to their amassed status, wealth, and power, this definition of tragedy extends the possibilities. Before, tragedy was centered on the smallest percentage of the population but in the world of literature and theater after Death of a Salesman it is applicable to all, from the pristine kings to the basest dregs of human life. Miller did not simply renew tragedy; he gave the very source of tragic material a complete overhaul.

Where Klinghoffer and Miller do agree is on the immortality of tragic drama. Klinghoffer explicitly that “Fifty years from now, whatever new varieties of social progress have been inflicted on us, we can be sure that… Death of Salesman will be alive and well” (Klinghoffer, Undying Salesman). Likewise, Miller’s claim that the common man can be as much the protagonist of tragic tales as the ancient kings leads to the conclusion that tragedy lives even in an era without monarchs subjected to fate and the gods. As long as the world remains in a state of imperfection and there is failure, sadness, and natural shortcomings to which mankind is susceptible, tragedy will provide a means of theatrical catharsis largely due to Miller’s works which have broadened the characteristics of the genre.

What is the point of seeing shows in which we are reminded of the frailties, weaknesses, and disappointments that dwell in the “damp, drizzly Novembers of the soul” (Melville, Moby Dick)? The answer is simple; that which binds us to others more so than any honors society or PTA organization ever could is the capability to feel and share that sensation with peers. The aforementioned catharsis of tragic theater provides a bonding opportunity between the audiences, a healthy release of tension heaped onto shoulders in the day to day toils, and a time for subconscious healing. Sharing in emotion is one of the rawest connections human beings can make with each other and those evoked by tragedy are some of the purest emotions one can feel. To ask why a tragedy should be seen is like asking why people feel the need to cry, to interact with others, to share experiences, and why people feel.

The effects of seeing a tragedy do not discriminate, to find a source one needs not look beyond the self, and it will survive for as long as mankind is imperfect. Speaking of tragedy, Miller closed his essay by saying, “It is time, I think, that we who are without kings took up this bright thread of our history and followed it to the only place it can possibly lead in our time--the heart and spirit of the average man.”

Don't die of shock from the sudden burst of activity...

2008-03-12T02:11:00.001-07:00

2 days and 3 posts! Oh noes!

I just think this is absolutely hilarious and wanted to share.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=X_U2yG3uZp0

And yes I have changed just about everything at least a little... Try not to be too surprised.

Not easy, but worth it.

2008-03-11T11:33:00.000-07:00

Most of you know that I plan on leaving for my mission this summer. I'll be gone for 2 years, I don't know where yet, and unable to facebook/text message/etc. Hopefully I'll be able to get emails out to everyone and I'll still have good old snail mail.

Say whatever you want here, support, questions, disagreement, etc. or ask/talk to me in person.

Busy again, but not entirely bad

2008-03-11T11:16:00.000-07:00

First off, some good news: Auditioned for One-Act plays last night and got 4 callbacks! Bad part is that I have a midterm tonight so will have to rush from class to callbacks and gonna be up late working on stuff.

Second, dork news: Colbert Nation is doing great! 1st guild run of Kara down and got it about half done. Big grats to Jason for picking up some nice new purples! Also, new Smash Bros is out and AMAZING! Already getting whined to about how much better my favorite character is "so overpowered and unfair" even though it's much easier to kill Metaknight with Pit than vice-versa. Lunchbox, would you vote in favor of less QQ?

Third, misc. stuff: Gonna be incredibly swamped as writing for the play winds down. Just got a paper back for a class i loathe (critical thinking, questioning, and reasoning) with a D on it, although I was told explicitely that my reasoning and writing was almost flawless. When transferring from notebook or whatever it is I wrote the paper on into Word apparently double space wanted to be retarded so the spacing got all wonky. That and not citing in text what I put in the works cited page (the info takes up 2 paragraphs about a page long all told, and I can't stand when people use trite intro phrases as a means of introducing the same source over and over)... So basically I'm learning that perfect content with questionable format is "D" material. Fortunately there is a rewrite so I can fix all the stuff that happened. Guess for the citation I'll just have to pretend like I'm not an English major who knows what he's doing and make it sound like another run-of-the-mill, half-assed paper only written to appease. Although since I cant stand the class appeasing is all I'm really doing anyway.

So I'm about to die again for a little while.

2008-02-27T11:23:00.001-08:00

Just some heads up. I am ushering for Shiloh Rules this weekend, teching Ophelia next weekend, auditioning for one-acts after that, then teching for Baby with the Bathwater... all while writing a script and working on other classes.

Fun! >_<

So for my EDUC 275 class...

2008-01-23T11:41:00.000-08:00

We are using blogger to keep track of stuff. Laugh it up pops. Laugh it up...

Hey Dad, you wanted a new blog post?

2007-12-27T23:08:00.000-08:00

Alright, care to grade my final psych paper? It's long past when I turned it in but if you feel like reading it lemme know what you think. I'll have 3 intensive writing courses next semester so even blanket statement suggestions for writing would be helpful.

Curtis DeGraw

PSYC 101 – Dr. Nelson

Pornography & Psychological Health

Every major civilization has had its own cultural beliefs about that which is deemed sexual. Society has determined the norms and set boundaries based on that which was considered unacceptable variations. Homosexuality, for example, was commonplace among the ancient Greeks but only in our recent history has begun to pick up steam as a major issue. However, from time to time questions of sexuality arise that no previous civilization has faced. Pornography has existed in the past but never has it possessed the capacity to be so omnipresent or as easily accessible as it is today. Within seconds thousands of sites, images, and other explicit materials surge forth at the stroke of a keyboard and click of a mouse. The internet has given pornography potential to burst silently into almost every home in the world in an instant. But how does one control such a barrage? Concerns were expressed about what to do if pornographic material was unwanted and as a result of these fears, there are now certain restrictions in place to supposedly prevent such an unwanted intrusion. From these restrictions rose the inevitable conflict. The staunchest of free speech advocates maintain that porn is a harmless form of self expression and vent for releasing unhealthy sexual urges. They believe that the rules are restricting freedoms. Meanwhile, there are those who feel that the restrictions are too weak and that pornography poses a threat to our society, particularly the impressionable youths.

The first amendment of the United States Constitution is that Congress shall not interfere with the right of free speech or the press. This is the most important hurdle for proponents of further restrictions, and jumping over it requires a great deal of momentum. The only way the rights of the press and speech can be legally reined in is if there is a case of said freedoms causing harm. This means that with studies and evidence proving that pornography is harmful, the hurdle of the first amendment becomes nothing more than a small bump in the track. However, this means that collecting the required conclusive evidence is the difficult task. Studies are being done by both sides, each trying to reach a decisive victory over the other. Sex therapists, like David Schnarch have experienced success re-energizing married couples in which both partners are willing to try something to revitalize their sex lives. The claims that pornography influences the killer clowns to come out of hiding to abscond with little girls and boys are not entirely fact, nor completely fictitious. A “normal” person, meaning the psychologically stable, average Homo sapien, can easily distinguish between the fantasy of pornography and the reality of sex and not be overcome with a desire to act on deviant urges. There are also tests run to see if addiction is a valid concern. From UCSB, Daniel Linz says that there are several “unbiased” explanations, including that the so called addiction is nothing more than learned behavior which can be unlearned and that the tests that show proof of addiction are flawed.

The cause of so much defensive research is the number of focused points that the pro-restriction side is using. In one study, Dr. Victor Cline supports the four stages of pornographic addiction; aphrodisiac is the original stimulation, escalation is the desire for more explicit materials, desensitization where one has begun viewing hardcore materials as acceptable, and finally action on what the viewer has grown used to seeing. While the numbers decrease over the progression into higher levels, few seem to stop at the first stage. Also describing addiction is Dr. Judith Reisman who writes that “images trigger an instant, involuntary, but lasting, biochemical memory trail.” Although addiction itself is very difficult to test conclusively, the facts support addiction ideas. There are approximately 72 million users that visit porn sites each year, pornography has become a multimillion dollar business, and even those without addictive personalities or psychological imbalances are shown to develop addicted characteristics over time. Research has also been done showing that pornography is harmful. Government tests and surveys show that of all the prisoners imprisoned for sexual crimes (rape, pedophilia, etc), 100% of them owned their own adult pornography. Marriage clinics doing tests have shown shocking results, such as the Center for Online Addiction which recorded that 65% of the people there were experiencing problems as a result of porn, 40% of addicts lost their spouse, 58% experienced severe financial loss, and 27-40% lost their job or profession.

Both sides certainly have strengths and weaknesses in their arguments. Having the First Amendment behind an argument is one of the biggest advantages one can ask for as a beginning. There is also the advantage of funding from companies in the industry that want to stay in business as much as possible. Basically the side arguing for fewer restrictions (Group A) begins with a large head start while the side trying to prove that pornography is harmful (Group B) has to try and catch up. However, Group B has much stronger statistics in their favor, as well as the ability to get a stronger emotional response by mentioning violence, sexual crimes, and the like. The argument for Group A is not as convincing as it would be if there were studies done that would show that “A is right” rather than ‘”B isn’t always right”. The weakness for Group B is using one of their strengths too much: the knee-jerk emotional reaction. It helps to get support but will lead to basically mud slinging like a political campaign. Group B has to be careful not to make their argument too emotionally driven or else they will distance themselves from the evidence and statistics.

Pornography desperately needs to be kept in check. It is designed specifically to be addictive, and surveys show that it creates distorted perceptions about sex, sexual dissatisfaction, unrealistic sexual expectations, and fosters doubts about the importance of the institution of marriage. As it is now, parental controls are a joke unless that parent is great with computers, or spends money on additional protection, leaving lower/lower-middle class families out of luck. The sites themselves make a mockery of the attempts to control explicit material by having big flashy buttons saying “click here if you are 18 or older or click here if you are 17 and we’ll link you out of here” as if a 14 year old is incapable of simply clicking yes to being 18. The Center for Online Addiction found that pornography is connected with the breakdown of the American family. The statistics show that pornography is both addictive and harmful, and is certainly not a victimless “crime”. Granted, the freedoms of speech and press must be protected and we should all learn to accept others for their differences, even different sexual beliefs. However, proof exists that pornography poses a genuine threat and as such it should at least be restrained in an effective way, as opposed to what is in place now. Group B wanted a guard dog to stand watch and prevent pornography from going where it wasn’t wanted. What they got was an old dog, too tired to chase away dangers, and too obsolete to do the job it needs to be doing in order to protect the people it should be serving.

Works Cited

Berne, Emma C., ed. Online Pornography: Opposing Viewpoints. New York, NY: Greenhaven P, 2007.

Williams, Mary E., ed. Sex: Opposing Viewpoints. New York, NY: Bonnie Szumski, 2006.

Been thinking about mortality some...

2007-11-04T22:50:00.000-08:00

What Sarah Said: by Death Cab for Cutie (name is total coincidence)

And it came to me then that every plan
is a tiny prayer to Father Time,
As I stared at my shoes in the ICU
That reeked of piss and 409.

And I rationed my breaths as I said to myself
That I've already taken too much today
As each descending peak on the LCD
Took you a little farther away from me (away from me)

Amongst the vending machines and year old magazines
In a place where we only say goodbye
It's then with a violent wind that our memories depend
On a faulty camera in our mind

And I knew that you were a truth I would rather lose
Than to have never lain beside at all
And I looked around at all the eyes on the ground
As the TV entertained itself

Cuz there's no comfort in the waiting room
Just nervous paces bracing for bad news
Then the nurse comes 'round and everyone lifts their head
But I'm thinking of what Sarah said...
Love is watching someone die.

(So who's gonna watch you die?)

(So who's gonna watch you die?)

(So who's gonna watch you die?)

*music gradually fades after about a 1:40*

Most people reading this probably know from other blogs that my cousin died recently. For those that don't, she had a severe allergic reaction to cats that is apparently genetic (uncle had a strong reaction, another cousin had a reaction, and my brother Jeff is already known to be allergic). I wasn't particularly close to her because they live so far away and I don't know many of the cousins younger than me. What made me think the most though is that I didn't feel particularly sad... I know that the whole "when the bell tolls it tolls for thee" type of thing but for some reason it didn't even hit me for a couple days.
When I found out it was Fall Break, maybe Friday morning. I was texting a friend about stuff and then all she said was to call the house. Nothing urgent or anything, just said to call. I figured they were over and wanted to vent vocally or whatever (wouldn't be the first time and I'm sure it won't be the last). This was the weekend where I was unexpectedly stuck off campus because my roommate threw away the forms that needed to be filled out saying I could be there over the break. I never even saw them, but that's beside the point. I was crashing at a friend's house cuz he lived off campus a few minutes so I'd be able to stay there until Jason and Lunchbox got back and still be close enough to walk to my Saturday class. After class on Saturday I went with Jason and Lunchbox out of town to Jason's where I only brought it up in passing when I saw the cats there. As far as the weekend was concerned that was basically it. Didn't give myself a chance or anything to think about it because of what was going on around me. Told Alex when he called but again, it was in passing and didn't dwell past the whole "yeah so I'm avoiding cats for the time being" thing.
A few days into the next week I somehow have downtime. That's when I realized that my cousin had died and that although it wasn't someone I knew well at all, barely recognized the name, I still should have felt some pang of sadness but for some reason got nothing. I cried watching Stop Kiss (the absolutely amazing play at Winthrop I was doing lights for and where this song was played) but not for someone's daughter. I don't know if it's because I'm not a parent or whatever but I eventually got to the point where I noticed that I had been sad-ish but somehow I didn't think I felt sad enough. No tears, or fond memories, or wishing I could have been there, or anything like that... I was more saddened by the fact that not only had it taken me so long to think about somebody dying, but that I didn't feel anything special about it. What kind of reaction is that? To be sitting there thinking "My cousin died" but then having it leave your mind cuz you gotta talk to someone about this 32oz steak you ate that weekend.
Before I come off as some sort of miserable, uncaring douche, it wasn't that I didn't wish I could have known her better and all. I just didn't think much about any of it. I guess I'm just now getting this all out of my head. Should I have at least had some brilliant mental ping about mortality and the brevity of my own existence? Some sort of gain from another person's loss? Heck I couldn't even use the excuse of a relative dying if I wanted to and here my roommate is making up relatives because he got slept through an exam. WTF?
Basically I guess what I'm stuck on is the last phrase repeated of the song... If love means watching someone die, who's gonna watch me if I can't even conjure teary eyes for someone else?

Blame My Parents, Especially Papa

2007-10-24T07:54:00.000-07:00

I had a really interesting conversation with an anonymous friend (at least as far as online anonymity goes), during which she said some really interesting things. I wish I had saved the messages so I could quote exactly but I'll do so to the best of my recollection:

- "I just wish I could find someone who treats me like you did."
- "I would marry you simply for the fact that I know that I would smile every day for the rest of my life."
- "Papa said that I deserve someone who treats me like he treats Mama, and that pretty much just leaves you."

I'm incredibly fortunate to have the parents I do. It seems like I become more and more aware of just how amazing they are with every passing day. How'd you guys do it?! I get frustrated with a roommate leaving his pile of dirty clothes in front of the fan in one corner of the room and putting his lacrosse gear on the AC next to my bed in the other corner (hence the perpetual state of funk in my room). How did you raise 6 kids, adopt another, take in an entire family, and then snag me another brother, and still have room in your house and hearts to make it a haven and sanctuary for friends of any of the aforementioned in times of distress or for no reason at all? Don't make the mistake of thinking I'm writing this as some sort of survival story either: you did it so well!

Even with everything going on you taught me probably the greatest thing I will ever learn. I could not have imagined any better example of how to treat the people I love. Even when Mama got overwhelmed and had no options left but to yell at us to get us to do simple stuff, in retrospect it was always a) obvious that she loved us regardless, b) followed by an apology and reminder of how much we were loved, and c) probably much less than we deserved.
*** Love you Mama, but now back to the point that got me started***

Papa:
Pardon the expression but, Damn! I can't think of any better way to sum up what a phenomenal example of a leader, teacher, friend, brother, father and most importantly husband you have been and will continue to be. In psych, we had a survey of different questions and the point of the lesson aside, one of them was the most influential person in our lives. There wasn't a doubt in my mind, nor a hesitation in my hand. I barely thought about it by the time "Dad" was on the page. I don't think there is space to write how much I owe you.

Thank you for helping me develop this chivalry complex, for showing me what it really means to love someone with every inch of yourself, and for teaching me how to act towards the people that matter most to me. I don't know how you did it... What I do know is that someday, if I am ever a tenth of the man you are, someone's daughter will come up to you and thank you -- and it'll happen because when my wife says she's the luckiest woman in the world, I'm going to blame you.

And so it begins...

2007-10-18T07:45:00.001-07:00

I doubt I'll be as poignant as Mama, Papa, or Brett (or as pungent, with regard to the latter two on certain occasions) but here I am anyway. I guess the biggest question I have right now is "Now what?" despite the resounding answer from the peanut gallery in my head being "Post more, retard. Any other brilliant questions?"

As far as the regularity of this blog is considered, I've never been terribly good at keeping a journal or anything of the sort so this could be a lot of fun or a total ghost town. More than likely it'll come and go in spurts, although hopefully a little easier to keep up with now that I have time in the afternoons on M, W, and F since I dropped a class.

I'll get around to more later I suppose. Thursdays are pretty busy with Improv and classes (and hopefully practicing for my Social Dance class as of today).